Sympathize

I wondered two nights ago in the middle of our conversation, that had I truely had this talk with you a little earlier, would things be any different between us today?

You know, I saw the answer in your eyes that night, your eyes don't lie.

Time will tell if I am wrong, but life is more than just a matter of supply and demand. Nor are there always an anwser to every question we may have now.

In the end, it's a matter of being able to go beyond our comfort zones, to explore what life has got to offer for us, together.

You may not see it now, and I hope you will not regret it. You may be free now, but you've been here before, and yet you still do not know what you are chasing after.

I cannot live that out but I sure can sympathize,

and too bad that I may not be there to comfort you when you finally figured it out.

The point is, your eyes, they were sad and watery that night,

and they don't lie.

25

At 25, I finally come to terms that life is all about keeping some things loose, while keeping some things tight. It's about remembering who I am, and who I am not; remembering who they are, and who they are not.

At 25, I will no longer live in the shadows of anyone, or any kinds of idealogy.

I will learn how to receive, before learning how to give.

I will love how to love myself before giving that love to someone else.

And yeh, it's time to kick start my life in full motion again (yet still be opened to interuptions);

time to settle down (a little bit);

time to take a slightly bigger step each time;

time to realise what my dreams are in life, and forego a dreamless life,

and time to learn how to stick by a set of morals, instead of finding something else to blame.

'Cos I won't become those people who will stay up late because they cannot sleep,
clenching to things they think they got, but which they cannot keep.

I am loving life again.

* * *

Bottom of the Barrel


I keep on livin',
to keep from cryin'.
I keep on dreamin',
to keep from dyin'.
I keep on trying,
I aint gonna stop.

Get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.

We all know someone,
whos always hurtin',
The sun is shinin',
they draw the curtain.
One thing for certain,
the pain aint gonna stop.

You get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.

Cuz i know the grass,
is always greener in someone else's yard.
And the world is so much meaner,
when your heart is hard.

I go out walkin',
in any season.
It could be rainin',
it could be freezin'.
I don't need no reason,
it's just so pleasin'.
And i can't stop.

You get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.

You get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.


- Amos Lee


* * *

The Long Way Back

9th March 2008.

The night where I've met you, and made another turn in my life. One that I will never forget - and yet, because memories tend to change in favor to those who hold them, I want to pen them down now. This way, I can be sure that the good will remain to be the good, and the rest I can forget in time.

I will remember the time,

when I saw your eyes for the first time, ones that are full of stories and a touch of sadness. I fell for you straight away after that;

when I first held your hand in my car on our first night, when you were in the backseat, and I was driving;

in front of the Opera House: The silence, the conversation, the cold air and the warmth of your embrace;

how you said you wanted someone to take care of you... and one that I would like to think that I've fulfilled;

when we had our first dinner together. I will never forget that recipe for the mussels;

when you've cooked for me;

when I saw you calling me 'bebe' in your text message;

when we had our first 'date' going to the Easter Show. That was the first and the last time when I saw you smiled from the inside;

when you were sleeping peacefully while I sat looking back at your face - it was at that point that I realised I could do anything for you.

It was you who gave me the courage to love again.

On the 27th May, I knew what I was walking into that night.
Before stepping into the lobby, I knew it could well be the last time you would welcome me to your place.

Little did you know that long before you told me I might have to scrup the floors in Paris if I am there with you, I know I would have done it anyway :)

And I was glad that you've given me the chance to tell you the three things I wanted to tell you that night:

That I wasn't going to look for anyone while I was away in Europe; that I've decided to come out to my parents before I turn 25 next week; that the time I spent with you, was the happiest time in my life.

So, I made an unannounced promise to myself, that

* * *

If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.

* * *



So one day, when you turn old and fraile, and you just want some company, I will be there for you when you call for me.

I will hold your hand, just like when I did on that first night;

and I will smile for you, no matter what.

Words

Gimme a taste of what's to come
Give me a medicine
Teach me a lesson, maybe I deserve to know
Cut me down to size and paralyze me
With the contents of your pretty little head

Gimme somewhere else to go
Give me one thing
Tell me something I don't really need to know
I am so afraid of breaking what we made
It is delicate and lovely
But it's a weight above me

And your words are like weapons
But you'll keep them inside
They cut like a knife
And you keep it together
Those feelings inside
There's nowhere to hide but away from me
And I just wanna listen to your words

I'd like to step into your world
Show me a secret
I promise to keep it safe and sheltered from the storm
I would cross the great divide that keeps me swimming
Treading water from your shore

Now I wanna coax you from your hell
Into an alley, the hidden valley
Where the truth can surely spill
I wanna take the weight that drags you to the ground
Spare this treasure that I found

But your words are like weapons
But you'll keep them inside
They cut like a knife
And you keep it together
Those feelings inside
There's nowhere to hide but away from me
And I just wanna listen...

There's a lock, someone's stolen the key
They took it away from me
Somewhere that noone can read ya
I see a bible
I see a bible in your eyes
All those codes and hidden meanings
Full of metaphor
and something for the faithless in me

But your words are like weapons
But you'll keep them inside
They cut like a knife
And you keep it together
Those feelings inside
There's nowhere to hide
And your words are like weapons
But you'll keep them inside
They cut like a knife
And you keep it together
Those feelings inside
There's nowhere to hide but away from me
And I just wanna listen to your words

A Home at the End of the World

Warning: It's 12:20am now and I just got back, and I am listening to Bright Eyes atm - so don't complain if I get a bit sentimental in this post :)

The truth is, I've been living my last few years thinking that I would die at the age of 40 lol. It's not that I am hoping to have a short life, but I've come to the conclusion that it's best to live with a self-consciousness that the end is always near the corner, lurking. It's sort of like when you were a kid and you were at a mate's place, and you would be expecting when your parents will arrive at the front door to pick you up. At least for me, having this kind of anticipation gives me enough reason to seek out my dreams without a hint of hesitation.

And for that particular reason, I tended to, from a pretty young age, to have a kind of strange yet logical emotional distance which I maintained between myself and "home".

There is no doubt, that I am the type that would choose to take the longer path, so that I can seek out an adventure, to tackle a challenge and to measure my own capacity in times of hardship.

So for wherever my next destination maybe (UK and then NYC?) - I will look forward to throw myself into the deep end again with great anticipation!

Something's Not Right (And I don't Know Why)

When all I wish to see is black and white
and all i wana do is to leave myself behind
I got this sick feeling
that something's not right
yeh, something's not right

I dunno what I'm trying to hide
when I can't fathom what's deep inside
and the more I dig, the more I realise
hey something's not right
yeh, something's not right

And when the day seems so long
just to get through
that you feel wasted, watching your shadow grow
It's then you realise
that you've still got so much to offer

Pity that it's always the feelings
that hold you back
so that you can protect yourself, and avoid the wreck
And all that you pray for
is something to differ

It's then you realise
that loneliness is not defined
by how many people you've got on your side
but it's by the love that you cannot give
and the gratitude that you can't receive

I dunno what's wrong with me tonight
but all I want is for someone to hold me tight
and whisper in my ear, and tell me
that something's not right
yeh, something's not right


-E

No Right Angle$

At 24, and turning 25 in 4 months, I really should get into the property market.

Granted, I've saved enough for myself to put down a sizeable deposit for a house and a job that would still allow me to have my little luxuries in life. And at 24, a certain percentage of the 'ordinary' would probably start to think about marriage. While the 'extraordinary' like us would probably just be too cash-strapped at this moment - we tend to think about Italian suits, vintage tees, limited-edition sneakers, and a whole bunch of Clinique facial products instead.

Pathetic I know, but don't assume I'm one of those extraordinary losers just yet.

Since working full-time, I really have caught myself out with my perception of what money is to life. I don't like the smell of it on most days. I felt that having money is like seeing a sign that you've become stagnated in life; that its merely a symbol of false fruition after a whole year of work. I suppose the real reason behind it is that, I never felt I deserve alot of it anyway. While most of the time I can see my glass being half-full, I still believe that having less is more.

I still dream of being a young artist, who would struggle to make ends meet and would only be able to afford to eat Nutella (instead of the cliche peanut butter) sandwiches, but I would go around different countries and see the ocean from every possible angle, before I die famous.

That's really just another romantic dream of mine, but I am happy to find that the Nutella part is not too hard to fulfill lol.

* * *

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

* * *

If money can buy happiness, then I firmly believe that happiness is true only when shared.